psalm 63

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.



wow...this verse has been popping up in my life off and on for the past two years.

this is both where i am and where i want to be...my soul does thirst for Him and His love is better than life but i'm not earnestly seeking Him...and my lips definitely don't always glorify Him. God, why don't they?


currently listening to:: phil wickham:: you're beautiful

i need rescue.

done.

i could feel my heart begin to harden this week...and for a bit, i allowed it.

sometimes, protecting ourselves is all we know how to do. stop the pain, right? i noticed i started to have a bad attitude towards things that i've always been joyful over. i've always had a hopeful heart and the past couple of days, i've felt defeated.

my life changed a few months ago...when it did, i thought that i'd never go back to being 'me' again. i thought that a piece of me was gone forever.

but i decided today that i'm done with that. i won't allow my heart to be hardened. that's what satan would want. he wants me out of the fight...he wants me distracted...he wants me hopeless. but i'm choosing to fight. and i haven't been. i've made lame attempts to get my life back knowing the whole time it wasn't a true effort.

i don't want to live like this anymore. i was meant for more.

God is my love. God is my life. and i'm going to start acting like it again.



currently listening to: None But Jesus::Hillsong

waiting...

i feel like i'm always waiting...

currently listening to: Wires:: Athlete

a lot to say

last night i couldn't sleep.

there was this restlessness that i couldn't get past. so, i threw brooke fraser in my cd player (yes, some of us still have those...shocking, i know) and i laid on my floor. i started looking through my notebooks...some old and some recent and i realized something about myself...

i have a lot to say.

now, i don't really know if what i have to say is necessarily coherent, collected, or any good but one thing is certain...there's a lot of words written on pages where only my eyes venture.

all this to say what? hmm..not really sure. maybe to hold myself accountable to write more here...not sure many are reading my blog anyway and actually i'm not quite worried about it. because, as great as it feels to write something in a journal that only i'll read, there's something about writing what's on your heart and knowing others are reading it....and deep down you pray that maybe they'll feel you're pain even if you don't come right out and say what it is....



currently listening to: If I Were a Boy :: Beyonce (don't judge...she can sing!)