tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80675164125863532042024-02-02T05:28:42.508-05:00she said...Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.comBlogger128125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-31414581539524672512010-06-22T22:02:00.002-04:002010-06-22T22:20:17.427-04:00plans.i've never been much of a planner. never have been. i've always liked to see where things would take me...just kinda float with the wind (as the cliche says)<br /><br />when i was in college, a good friend of mine had a five year plan that looked a little something like this:<br /><br />year 1 - get internship with local marketing firm<br />year 2 - graduate college/find job at above marketing firm<br />year 3 - get engaged<br />year 4 - get married<br />year 5- move to suburbs/get dog/get promotion/live happily ever after<br /><br />i remember seeing her plan and wanting to laugh out loud. what was she thinking? you can't plan your life like that. i wanted to ask...what if you didn't get engaged? what if you lost that internship? what if? what if? what if?<br /><br />there are too many variables in our lives to make such a plan and then to expect life to follow it. who are we to think like this?<br /><br />but i think where i've gone wrong is to expect nothing. i almost expect things to fall into my lap...<br />what kind of life is that? no responsibility...."that's just where the wind blew."<br /><br />so i'm thinking i might start making plans...thinking about the future. nothing set in stone. nothing to cry over if God leads me through another way....<br /><br />but something more than just waiting for the next wind to take me through.<br /><br /><br />listening to: the swell season::this lowKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-90230998222836343982010-06-06T23:57:00.003-04:002010-06-07T00:06:57.696-04:00home.one of my best friends from high school is having a baby next month. i got to go home after church today for her shower and i'll have to admit, i was a little nervous. <br /><br />i haven't kept up with my friends from back home as well as i should have. and if i'm honest...i really regret that.<br /><br />when i think back to my high school days..and i really think about who they were to me i realize they were more to me than just friends. they were family.<br /><br />i walked into two homes today...one i spent a lot of time in and another that was practically my second home. everywhere i looked held a memory....<br />the kitchen were we'd spend hours dancing at parties when her parents were out of town....the driveway where i drank my first alcoholic drink...the bench i practically broke my toe on after a few more of those firsts drinks...yikes.<br /><br />the list goes on.<br /><br />katie was one of the best friends i've ever had. she was always there for me. and even though our lives drifted from each other, being around her and her family feels like home to me.<br /><br />the geography of a place can hold memories. but the people make it home. i'm grateful for roots. <br /><br />love.Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-72298518378238550852010-05-26T01:04:00.003-04:002010-05-26T01:17:58.741-04:00erased.sometimes i think my emotions think they are bipolar. this doesn't come as such a huge shock to me since we are talking about me here. i'm an emotional girl. i admit it. i'm slightly sensitive too. what can i say? i don't mind it. i can't change it. so i just go with it.<br /><br />but one minute, i'm laughing so hard i'm crying and the next i'm crying different tears. when in the world will this end?<br /><br />i guess everyday i realize a little bit of me keeps getting erased. and i know that doesn't make sense to the 1 or 2 of you reading this. and it shouldn't....<br /><br />but have you ever felt like you've been erased by people you love? <br /><br />it is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. <br /><br />it is out of your control...there's nothing you can do about it...it is like you're watching it happen in a badly acted melodrama and the whole time you're powerless to stop it.<br /><br />there's no bow for this post....except to say. God is good..God is faithful...and i'm trusting that He is working this all for His glory.<br /><br />love.Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-65797574671687060142010-05-21T18:06:00.006-04:002010-05-21T18:24:52.201-04:00anywhere but here.i really need to get out of town.<br /><br />a vacation. i can't remember the last vacation i took...seriously..let me think.<br /><br />nope..can't remember.<br /><br />where to go? the beach. one of my favorite places in the world. yes, please.<br /><br />but more than that...i want to go everywhere...europe, asia, africa, the middle east, islands, australia...the list really goes on and on. i want to go everywhere!<br /><br />how do i make this happen?<br /><br />love.Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-9135541371501366312010-05-18T22:39:00.006-04:002010-05-19T11:26:10.922-04:00wedding.mandy's wedding was sunday. <br /><br />she was absolutely stunning. it was such a wonderful night..seriously. it is a beautiful thing to watch two people promise to honor and love one another for the rest of their lives...it was an honor to stand up with her and celebrate that commitment.<br /><br /><br />i've always had a slight resistance towards marriage. sure i'd like to get married...someday. but that "someday" seems so out of reach. and i don't mean that in a "i'll always be single..no body loves me" kind of way. i mean that in a literal since. i still feel like a kid half the time...and kids shouldn't get married, right?<br /><br />joking aside....<br /><br />i've witnessed few marriages that seem to have a glimmer of something i hope to one day have. i've seen too many marriages consist of broken dreams, settling and miserable people. who wants that? not me.<br /><br />i've seen husbands ignore their wives...wives nag their husbands. i've seen lack of love and respect. i've seen adultery first hand. i've seen divorce papers and courthouses.<br /><br />i've seen broken noses and bruises. <br /><br />what has become of such a sacred thing? <br />what have we done? what have i done?<br /><br />i hope to one day get over my phobia of marriage. i hope to one day realize that yes, people always will change...that's life. but they don't always have to change for the worse. people don't always leave....they don't always turn into someone you don't recognize anymore...they don't always lie, hurt and cheat. <br /><br />people can love. and sacrifice. and fight for what is true.<br /><br />yes, people can change...but you can change with them.<br /><br />love.Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-2326371362335423862010-05-17T20:54:00.006-04:002010-05-17T21:34:01.049-04:00friend."timing is everything"...that's how the saying goes right? <br /><br />i believe God has all of time in His realm...in His front pocket...on the tip of His tongue. His timing is perfect. He's never late and it is always well thought out. He knows exactly when we need to hear something...that is, if our ears are open...<br /><br />i was sitting on my couch this evening reading the latest cover story in Relevant magazine about Bear Grylls. for those of you who do not know, Bear has his own adventure reality show on The Discovery Channel called Man vs. Wild. <br /><br />he gets thrown into situations where he must survive in the wild alone. it is ridiculous and i love it. <br /><br />i didn't get too far into the article when I had one of those timing moments. the day had been hard, and i really just wanted to go to bed and escape the day. but i randomly picked up the magazine that i had already read most of...<br /><br />in an interview with Bear, this is what He said:<br /><br />"i remember having one moment when some really good friends turned their back on me in a really nasty way. and i remember praying a simple prayer up a tree one evening and saying, 'God, if you're like i knew you as a kid, would you be that friend again?"<br /><br />this hit me so hard tonight and brought me to tears (shocker). slowly over time, i believe i've put too much of my affections and heart into my friendships. don't get me wrong, friendships are gifts from God and should be cherished...however, i believe they had become an idol in my life. they were my crutch. <br /><br />i didn't have many quiet moments...i was so wrapped up in having to constantly be with them....to never be alone (as if being alone is bad). <br /><br />i can't begin to understand God's purpose and reasoning into this season of my life, but the only thing that brings me comfort is that He wants me to call Him my best friend...and no one else. He wasn't my best friend...plan and simple. but what He allowed to happen in my life made me face that simple fact. <br /><br />He wants me to come to Him first when i'm weary and tired...not to anyone else.<br /><br />He wants me to give up random nights to just hang out with Him...and not just fill another night with friends.<br /><br />He wants all of me...and as Holy and Sovereign and Worthy of so much more of me....He wants my friendship.<br /><br />these past three or four months have been some of the hardest....my whole world has been pulled up from underneath me.<br /><br />But He has never left...and as I have found myself go from always completely surrounded to suddenly almost completely alone, i realize that He was my best friend all along...all i had to do was stop reaching for second best to Him.<br /><br />love.Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-15973835372935538582009-11-22T22:41:00.003-05:002009-11-22T22:51:03.391-05:00long way hometoday was an interesting day with a range of emotions all packed in a 24 hour period.<br /><br />i went from feeling frustrated and tired to appreciated and encouraged. i went from joyful and humbled to rejected and attacked. <br /><br />don't you hate when that happens? it's almost as if you can visualize the battle going on for your emotions. <br /><br />after a very long day, i found myself driving home after church (www.passioncitychurch.org). i left in such a defeat that i was just driving on autopilot. about halfway home, i realized that i took the extremely long way home. i could have been home 30 minutes earlier if i had just paid attention. <br /><br />i think this is my spiritual life right now...i'm on autopilot. sure, i'll have great moments with God...but i'm just letting the car take me where it wants to go. i'm not taking my responsibility seriously of taking the wheel (carrie underwood would be ashamed of me for saying this..). But, I'm not being proactive.<br /><br />honestly, i'm too tired right now to complete even where i'm going with this...i could just save this as a draft and finish it later...but i wanted to share. <br /><br />random unfinished thoughts..<br /><br />love.<br /><br />currently listening to : hillsong, with everythingKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-83066931731655089602009-11-18T23:45:00.002-05:002009-11-18T23:57:53.695-05:00gone.wow. i've been gone for a while, eh?<br /><br />not 100% sure why...laziness? nah, that's not it. fear? that seems a little closer to the truth.<br />i guess i was afraid of what i'd write on here...afraid i'd expose too much. who knows. i guess it doesn't really matter either way. it's just a blog, right?<br /><br />i was inspired the other day to start writing to you good folks again. we'll see how long this lasts...or if anyone will be around to read. :)<br /><br />just thought i'd say hey.<br /><br />love.<br /><br /><br />listening to: the civil wars - poison and wine. (you seriously have to hear this song)Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-70829687368646697292009-02-19T09:50:00.002-05:002009-02-19T09:53:00.655-05:00156 timesI was reading Blue Like Jazz for about the 156th time last night when I came across this particular passage:<br /><br />“When I was young I thought I had forever to figure things out…but I didn’t. I didn’t have long to figure things out. I believe that the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time.”<br /><br />Wow. I couldn’t shake those words. I kept reading on but I found that I wasn’t really understanding the words I passed through. “but rather have us wasting time” kept replaying over and over in my head. <br /><br />God had something to say and He wouldn’t let me carry on without knowing that. <br /><br />How many times have I read this book and how many times have I read that passage…but never have they hit me the way they hit me last night.<br /><br />I started asking myself...God, are you saying I’ve been wasting time? Honestly, in some areas I think the answer is yes. But I think God had more to say than that. Something much more…something below the surface of the obvious. <br /><br />What if, I’ve been spending too much time focusing on my sin…focusing on my brokenness and my mistakes…that I’ve missed something He’s been wanting to do in me?<br /><br />What if, I’ve been wasting my time on things already forgiven?<br /><br />What if I’m not that same person anymore? Even that person I was just a few months ago? Is that even possible…even believable? Funny thing is, God can change anyone in an instant. I know this. I believe it. So how can I not believe it of myself?<br /><br />I’ve been tricked. I’ve been fooled, and I’ve spent too much time believing lies.<br /><br />My time is valuable…not because it is mine but because it is His.<br /><br /><br /><br />Currently listening to: Bethany Dillon::My Love Hasn’t Grown ColdKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-1266054321490863602009-01-31T15:25:00.003-05:002009-01-31T15:40:54.831-05:00mercythis might be a bit more information than many of you would like to hear...<br /><br />maybe a little too transparent. <br />maybe not enough. <br /><br />my heart was breaking the other night...i couldn't stop it. it was all my fault. it was all my doing. i chose to live that way...to wallow in it...to believe lies when i knew they were empty.<br /><br />the next morning i got down on my knees and begged God to take it away....to have mercy. <br />you ask with a pure heart...and you'll receive, right?<br /><br />so why was i so shocked when my heart didn't hurt at all the next day? i felt just fine. i felt free. maybe it was because the truth finally became clear to me...<br /><br />maybe it was because i begged for His mercy.<br /><br />maybe it was because i didn't deserve it but God is so madly in love with me that He granted my plea.<br /><br />either way...<br /><br />i'm fine. <br /><br />i'm just fine...and it feels amazing. <br /><br />:)<br /><br /><br />currently listening to::fiction familyKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-5212490990770977772009-01-25T17:06:00.002-05:002009-01-25T17:11:30.722-05:00i needi need to believe Jesus at His word<br /><br />i need to leave this place<br /><br />i need to live...love...cry...laugh<br /><br />i really need to laugh<br /><br />i need MORE of Him...so much more. so, so much more that me doesn't exist anymore. can that happen?<br /><br />please?<br /><br />sometimes, i just wish Jesus would come back..but then i get scared because i want to hear "well done..."<br /><br />sometimes, i'm not quite sure i'll hear that.<br /><br />i want to hear that more than anything in this world.<br /><br />my actions communicate something different.<br /><br />i've never been much of a believer of words. but actions...now actions say it all.<br /><br /><br />currently listening to :: kim walker | sing my loveKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-80018976376348033982008-12-30T15:47:00.002-05:002008-12-30T15:52:26.370-05:00psalm 63O God, you are my God, <br /> earnestly I seek you; <br /> my soul thirsts for you, <br /> my body longs for you, <br /> in a dry and weary land <br /> where there is no water.<br /> I have seen you in the sanctuary <br /> and beheld your power and your glory.<br /><br />Because your love is better than life, <br /> my lips will glorify you.<br /><br /><br /><br />wow...this verse has been popping up in my life off and on for the past two years.<br /><br />this is both where i am and where i want to be...my soul does thirst for Him and His love is better than life but i'm not earnestly seeking Him...and my lips definitely don't always glorify Him. God, why don't they?<br /><br /><br />currently listening to:: phil wickham:: you're beautiful<br /><br />i need rescue.Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-81906369456265758162008-12-24T11:32:00.004-05:002008-12-24T12:02:02.544-05:00done.i could feel my heart begin to harden this week...and for a bit, i allowed it.<br /><br />sometimes, protecting ourselves is all we know how to do. stop the pain, right? i noticed i started to have a bad attitude towards things that i've always been joyful over. i've always had a hopeful heart and the past couple of days, i've felt defeated.<br /><br />my life changed a few months ago...when it did, i thought that i'd never go back to being 'me' again. i thought that a piece of me was gone forever. <br /><br />but i decided today that i'm done with that. i won't allow my heart to be hardened. that's what satan would want. he wants me out of the fight...he wants me distracted...he wants me hopeless. but i'm choosing to fight. and i haven't been. i've made lame attempts to get my life back knowing the whole time it wasn't a true effort. <br /><br />i don't want to live like this anymore. i was meant for more. <br /><br />God is my love. God is my life. and i'm going to start acting like it again.<br /><br /><br /><br />currently listening to: None But Jesus::HillsongKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-57654275850839756632008-12-16T17:23:00.003-05:002008-12-16T17:24:01.962-05:00waiting...i feel like i'm always waiting...<br /><br />currently listening to: Wires:: AthleteKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-43917469539329911232008-12-06T14:41:00.003-05:002008-12-06T14:58:15.585-05:00a lot to saylast night i couldn't sleep. <br /><br />there was this restlessness that i couldn't get past. so, i threw brooke fraser in my cd player (yes, some of us still have those...shocking, i know) and i laid on my floor. i started looking through my notebooks...some old and some recent and i realized something about myself...<br /><br />i have a lot to say.<br /><br />now, i don't really know if what i have to say is necessarily coherent, collected, or any good but one thing is certain...there's a lot of words written on pages where only my eyes venture.<br /><br />all this to say what? hmm..not really sure. maybe to hold myself accountable to write more here...not sure many are reading my blog anyway and actually i'm not quite worried about it. because, as great as it feels to write something in a journal that only i'll read, there's something about writing what's on your heart and knowing others are reading it....and deep down you pray that maybe they'll feel you're pain even if you don't come right out and say what it is....<br /><br /><br /><br />currently listening to: If I Were a Boy :: Beyonce (don't judge...she can sing!)Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-78419116763848146132008-11-18T17:21:00.002-05:002008-11-18T17:29:49.380-05:00thank you.i've been off lately.<br /><br />i didn't realize how off i was until people kept asking me what was up. i didn't mean to cause concern.<br /><br />when i get like this (which isn't too often i don't think), i pretend that i'm not. i know i shouldn't do that...maybe that doesn't make me authentic..i don't know. but i figure, there's no sense bothering people with my silliness. hmm...sounds like a deep rooted issue, eh? ;)<br /><br />but joking aside, i've really realized how amazing the people who are around me are...there was an "intervention" at work with my girls. it was HILARIOUS! between them and other friends...i've realized that God has truly given me the most amazing people in the world to love on me..and even though i have His love and that trumps it all...it does help to have them there as well. i'd be a hot mess without them! <br /><br />so...this is to say thank you. my friends rock my little world!<br /><br /><br />listening to: ingrid michaelson:: be okKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-32736720941201623512008-11-04T17:51:00.004-05:002008-11-04T18:14:16.618-05:00oh, starbucks. how i love thee...odd things happen to me from time to time. mainly though, they happen at starbucks. maybe it is something in the air...who knows.<br /><br />need an example? this one happened just about 15 minutes ago...<br /><br />i left work early to go vote. i decided to chill at starbucks to get some more work done.<br /><br />i notice an attractive guy in his mid thirties dressed in a dress shirt, tie..the whole nine yards. he's working away and doesn't really give much attention to me. i sit down...get to work.<br /><br />i'm not sure how much time goes by..an hour and a half? two hours? who knows.<br /><br />there's this really quirky girl who works at this particular starbucks. she's awkward. i like her.<br /><br />she comes around giving out samples of the new hot chocolate. yumm..who am i to turn down a free anything? <br /><br />she comes by mr. suit and tie and offers a sample. this is the conversation that proceeds..<br /><br />quirky girl: "oh you mr. nice tie can take two."<br /><br />mr. suit: (laughs) "oh thank you but i'm fine with just one thanks."<br /><br />quirky girl: "well, you can definitely take two since you have such a snazzy tie."<br /><br />quirky girl turns towards me and says:<br /><br />quirky girl: "oh, you get two too since you have a fun scarf. you know, you two should talk since you (looking towards mr. suit) have a nice tie and you (looking towards me) have a fun scarf. you guys should start IMing each other so you can pretend that you're working but really you're not."<br /><br />mr. suit: (big smile..laughing)<br /><br />me: (scared look on my face, nervous laughter): "haha...yeah..."<br /><br />quirky girl: "ok, well..i'll go back to work now. you two should really talk."<br /><br />so, she walks away...we both look at each other, shake our heads and laugh...then the unexpected!<br /><br />mr. suit: "hi fun scarf. i'm nice tie."<br /><br />me: (nervous laughter)<br /><br />OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />nuff said...<br /><br />currently listening to: jimmy eat world: painKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-20260041762883253982008-11-01T15:26:00.002-04:002008-11-01T15:31:32.896-04:00complicatedwhen did my life become so complicated?<br /><br /><br />currently listening to: mat kearneyKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-89250895162484575032008-10-19T19:47:00.004-04:002008-10-19T19:58:06.582-04:00something beautiful.isn't it strange the affect beautiful things have on us?<br /><br />i was driving towards the sunset tonight...just running a few errands (hello, blockbuster for the next Heroes disc!) <br /><br />my mind was racing, and i found myself lost in my thoughts. here i was...in the normal. in the mundane. and then there it was...<br /><br />something beautiful.<br /><br />the sunset seemed to pause in time waiting for me to open my eyes to its existence. it has always been there..and until God is done with this earth, it will continue to be there...there's always a sunset somewhere, right? sometimes we just miss it. <br /><br />but for just a brief moment...my mind cleared and it all drifted away. beauty...real beauty...has a way of doing that, doesn't it?<br /><br />i've been missing the sunsets lately...and not just the physical ones. i've been so consumed with my mess that i've ignored the beauty that God has placed in my life...<br /><br />sometimes, i think He makes the sunset that much more spectacular just for me...<br /><br />you know, i wouldn't put it past Him.<br /><br />currently listening to: fiona appleKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-3257378561285759552008-09-28T19:35:00.002-04:002008-09-28T19:40:04.646-04:00twilighti think twilight is my favorite time of the day. there's a feel in the air that i can't quite explain. it just makes me happy. i know this might seem strange, but i feel closer to God at those times. it only last a little while though. you don't have much time to enjoy it. it isn't like the morning or the afternoon which both last for hours. Twilight isn't like that. Twilight lasts just a few moments...and then the night comes. <br /><br />i think i'll go outside and enjoy the last few moments of it tonight.Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-12271051173751021452008-09-27T15:50:00.003-04:002008-09-27T16:09:18.344-04:00selfisha lot has been going on in my heart lately.<br /><br />i've realized a few things about myself...<br /><br />i've made a few decisions lately that i thought defined who i've become. i thought one mistake...or one line of thinking...completely changed my identity into something that i never thought i could be. and for the past few weeks, i've been acting like those mistakes made me a horrible person...that i wasn't worthy of God's love...that somehow i was now on the other side...somehow i was on the other side of grace.<br /><br />but i now know that's not true.<br /><br />i've become an extremely selfish person. and pridefully i didn't think i was. but, isn't that how it works? the minute you don't think you're selfish is the minute you are.<br /><br />my selfishness gave me entitlement.<br />my selfishness dominated my actions.<br />my selfishness separated me from God.<br />my selfishness revealed my ugly heart.<br />my selfishness broke my heart.<br /><br />and worst of all, my selfishness does more than just effect me. worst of all, my selfishness hurts others. <br /><br />i don't want to be this person. i want to live for others...and not for myself.<br /><br />i want to love people more than myself...to really love them.<br /><br />forgive me if you've felt the weight of my selfishness. i wasn't thinking of you...only myself.Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-55461650325479476462008-09-07T18:19:00.003-04:002008-09-07T18:36:07.470-04:00i'll be honesti haven't been hanging out with God.<br /><br />in fact<br /><br />i've been flat out ignoring Him. <br /><br />i have access to the God of the universe...the one who brings life and love into the world...who breathes air into my lungs..who has saved me from myself time and time again. yeah, that God. i've been ignoring Him. when i really think about it, i want to slap myself....yell at myself: "wake up!"<br /><br />but in typical kelli fashion, i run when i'm scared. <br />i'm scared of what He thinks of me...what He's disappointed in...what He wants me to do...and so<br /><br />i run.<br /><br />but i love Him so much. He keeps popping in my mind. i can't run too far...He's always there. i LOVE that about Him! He never gives up on me...He never lets go...i push and push Him away and still He pursues me. still He choses me. still He can't get enough of me. who is this God? who is He that He thinks of me this way? after all i have done and all i will do in the future that breaks His heart. <br /><br />God, help me to stop breaking your heart....<br /><br />my life has been far from glorifying...but that's no reason to give up.<br /><br />i won't try harder...because it has nothing to do with me. it isn't how hard i can try to be the woman of God i want to be. it is how much i allow Him to shine through my mess. the mess i create everyday by not believing Him. the mess i create by believing that there is something else out there that will satisfy me more than the creator of it all.Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-82413185733813852012008-08-15T00:02:00.005-04:002008-08-15T00:09:25.438-04:00worship.someone brought it to my attention tonight that i've been rather quiet on here lately. i'll leave out his name to protect the innocent...haha<br /><br />tonight..after a night of worship at church...i found myself praying for everyone leaving. <br /><br />that we as a church would not be consumers of worship. that our hands wouldn't raise and our hearts swell with emotion in vain. <br /><br />that the emotions God stirs in our bodies would resound out there...<br /><br />on the streets...<br /><br />in our families...<br /><br />in our work...<br /><br />as that steve fee song says, "that what we do in here, fills the streets out there..."<br /><br />i love that line. i feel this is one of the biggest diseases facing The Church today. <br /><br />we have a whole lot of words...and very few actions. <br /><br />i pray your life is filled with worship.<br /><br />that your words are worship...your bodies are worship...your hearts are worship.<br /><br />i pray The Church learns to worship again.Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-78014977554684044982008-08-10T17:34:00.006-04:002008-08-10T18:03:33.411-04:00i haven't really been showing my blog some love lately. not quite sure why. maybe because i feel like i have to be honest here and lately i haven't really been in the mood for sharing to everyone and their grandmother. or maybe it is because some things lose their "newness" and then we are no longer attracted to them. i think that might be it. that's the american way isn't it?<br /><br />i thought i'd post a few pictures of what i've been up to lately. <br /><br />i got a hair cut last saturday...she made it pretty. i can't quite get it to look like this. i guess that's why she's the professional. either way, my hair has pretty much been in a pony tail since monday because of this very reason. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9qTvZhO0vW55ARBJY8NR0pVmgJoV61OIH5cZUO9ftypwd6EZNK59edzRyaWyp5CTnmwpP0Nt-UQ_dxOMJW9eXb72JVY6E8UAsy59KnFzCSEC21WwYYnlgD7WJNPQGN1sYjXmgnFwFCDnb/s1600-h/hair1.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9qTvZhO0vW55ARBJY8NR0pVmgJoV61OIH5cZUO9ftypwd6EZNK59edzRyaWyp5CTnmwpP0Nt-UQ_dxOMJW9eXb72JVY6E8UAsy59KnFzCSEC21WwYYnlgD7WJNPQGN1sYjXmgnFwFCDnb/s320/hair1.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5233010401488848178" /></a><br /><br /><br />i've mainly just been doing a little bit of this:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIxlhsvCvUwPE_1PIxoi5kwyZeVF329aYeigkhEcwc4-ygRMk3sBqIOJtE9uLTI-pF_KNO8Xiun3TAEpFLfcLd3JhxpfdFGC-5opyoqyxjw5KtvB234URfJpATKAqCbY2xu9inJ9R8V1OJ/s1600-h/guitar1.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIxlhsvCvUwPE_1PIxoi5kwyZeVF329aYeigkhEcwc4-ygRMk3sBqIOJtE9uLTI-pF_KNO8Xiun3TAEpFLfcLd3JhxpfdFGC-5opyoqyxjw5KtvB234URfJpATKAqCbY2xu9inJ9R8V1OJ/s320/guitar1.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5233011272451314002" /></a><br /><br />erica caught me trying to play my guitar left-handed. you'd think playing it this way would feel more comfortable since i'm left-handed but this was not working out so well.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivQH2VxjdtFmrR2Ggn77Ff51X4IrsWg46jaWiUfdxeLHRbaMhSBZMa7QN0G6q4x3gjC3W6MLpen6UxdjQWMl_dcwcdxIpfnB6svwNB2kylWD89nJ78BU5dXOYe5KTpfmOJ0KOJHXjCHxRL/s1600-h/leftguitar.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivQH2VxjdtFmrR2Ggn77Ff51X4IrsWg46jaWiUfdxeLHRbaMhSBZMa7QN0G6q4x3gjC3W6MLpen6UxdjQWMl_dcwcdxIpfnB6svwNB2kylWD89nJ78BU5dXOYe5KTpfmOJ0KOJHXjCHxRL/s320/leftguitar.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5233012162124886370" /></a><br /><br />anyway...so as you can tell, life is interesting (insert sarcasm).Kellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8067516412586353204.post-42669577920398404642008-07-24T00:52:00.004-04:002008-07-24T01:03:01.330-04:00save me from myself.my hope lies in you, God. and You alone.<br /><br />my future is held firmly..<br />my breath given to me by the very lips of the One who created the universe. <br /><br />i have made plenty of plans.<br /><br />i have made numerous assumptions.<br /><br />each time...i was wrong. You God, and You alone know what's best for me. <br /><br />You save me from my self...from those plans...from those assumptions...from me.<br /><br />Father, give me courage to lose those plans...to rid my heart of assumptions..ideals..and norms.<br /><br />let my life be a mighty wind of worship for Your Glory and not my own...<br /><br />let my life speak volumes to Your greatness...and nothing of my own...<br /><br />let where my hope lies bring you glory...<br /><br />as my plans leave my heart, fill me with You...<br /><br />nothing is better than you.<br /><br />nothing.<br /><br />Father, save me from myself.<br /><br /><br />Currently listening to:: Live It OutKellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04427600030581640666noreply@blogger.com0