selfish

a lot has been going on in my heart lately.

i've realized a few things about myself...

i've made a few decisions lately that i thought defined who i've become. i thought one mistake...or one line of thinking...completely changed my identity into something that i never thought i could be. and for the past few weeks, i've been acting like those mistakes made me a horrible person...that i wasn't worthy of God's love...that somehow i was now on the other side...somehow i was on the other side of grace.

but i now know that's not true.

i've become an extremely selfish person. and pridefully i didn't think i was. but, isn't that how it works? the minute you don't think you're selfish is the minute you are.

my selfishness gave me entitlement.
my selfishness dominated my actions.
my selfishness separated me from God.
my selfishness revealed my ugly heart.
my selfishness broke my heart.

and worst of all, my selfishness does more than just effect me. worst of all, my selfishness hurts others.

i don't want to be this person. i want to live for others...and not for myself.

i want to love people more than myself...to really love them.

forgive me if you've felt the weight of my selfishness. i wasn't thinking of you...only myself.