friend.

"timing is everything"...that's how the saying goes right?

i believe God has all of time in His realm...in His front pocket...on the tip of His tongue. His timing is perfect. He's never late and it is always well thought out. He knows exactly when we need to hear something...that is, if our ears are open...

i was sitting on my couch this evening reading the latest cover story in Relevant magazine about Bear Grylls. for those of you who do not know, Bear has his own adventure reality show on The Discovery Channel called Man vs. Wild.

he gets thrown into situations where he must survive in the wild alone. it is ridiculous and i love it.

i didn't get too far into the article when I had one of those timing moments. the day had been hard, and i really just wanted to go to bed and escape the day. but i randomly picked up the magazine that i had already read most of...

in an interview with Bear, this is what He said:

"i remember having one moment when some really good friends turned their back on me in a really nasty way. and i remember praying a simple prayer up a tree one evening and saying, 'God, if you're like i knew you as a kid, would you be that friend again?"

this hit me so hard tonight and brought me to tears (shocker). slowly over time, i believe i've put too much of my affections and heart into my friendships. don't get me wrong, friendships are gifts from God and should be cherished...however, i believe they had become an idol in my life. they were my crutch.

i didn't have many quiet moments...i was so wrapped up in having to constantly be with them....to never be alone (as if being alone is bad).

i can't begin to understand God's purpose and reasoning into this season of my life, but the only thing that brings me comfort is that He wants me to call Him my best friend...and no one else. He wasn't my best friend...plan and simple. but what He allowed to happen in my life made me face that simple fact.

He wants me to come to Him first when i'm weary and tired...not to anyone else.

He wants me to give up random nights to just hang out with Him...and not just fill another night with friends.

He wants all of me...and as Holy and Sovereign and Worthy of so much more of me....He wants my friendship.

these past three or four months have been some of the hardest....my whole world has been pulled up from underneath me.

But He has never left...and as I have found myself go from always completely surrounded to suddenly almost completely alone, i realize that He was my best friend all along...all i had to do was stop reaching for second best to Him.

love.